DIANE'S STORY OF LIVING LIFE WITH BREAST CANCER 
AND DYING WITH DIGNITY

 

Cremation Request / Final Resting Place

From: Jon & Diane Detar <survivord@rpa.net>
Sent: Monday, June 10, 2002 4:09 PM
To: Bissonette, Lyn <lbissone@rochester.rr.com>
Subject: My Final Resting Place

Diane's Urn and Cancer Bear

 

Dear Lyn,

I talked to Richie and Mom and Dad over the weekend and I spoke to Pete this morning while he was going to base in California, not the best of places for this type of conversation but I needed to settle this matter.  We talked about what they would feel the most comfortable with doing with my ashes when I pass on.   Oh God, a hard thing to talk about for everyone, but I feel that it needs to be one more decision made in preparation for when my time comes.

Everyone agreed that your place was probably the best place to keep me, I have lived my whole life in this area, and they all agreed that Mom and Dadís was just not an option.  Pete was so upset trying to tell me that he would honor whatever my wishes were and he would take my ashes back to California if that was what I wanted, but I knew that what he wasnít telling me was how difficult that would be for him with no family support to help him put me to rest.  That made my decision, as to what to do with my ashes, at that very moment.  I told him that I was going to e-mail you and ask you again to tell me for sure if you could handle doing this for me and if you feel you can, I want that to be my final resting place.

I talked to Dad again, just before I got on the computer, and told him about my conversation with Pete and that I have made this to be my final wish if you can do this for all of us.  He was upset but relieved that I would allow my remains to stay here close by when I go so they can come visit me and know I am always close by.  I think this is the right decision, but I have to be sure that you can do this for us Lyn.  Please do not tell me ok unless you and Donna and the boys are totally comfortable with it.  I can find another place and I will.  I donít want to make this any more difficult for any of you than it has to be and that is why I want to make these decisions now.  Donít feel that I will think you love me any less, this is probably the most enormous request a loved one could ever make of another and I would understand with all my heart if you canít do this.

Dad said that if you decided that it would be all right, he and Mom would help you all they could to pick a place for me if you want.  Dad said maybe you could look at a few places and then you could all make a final decision.  I donít need you to do anything to fix up a place either; donít make more work for yourself.  My only request would be that I might not be in the direct line to the black fly swarms when they come in to drink from the pond in the spring (HA!).  Still have a sense of humor.  You can even leave my ashes in whatever we have them in and just bury them if that is most sensible.

I know that the rest of you will do right by me and I will be very comforted to be in such good hands.  I will not have a funeral, but I thought maybe we could have a minister or someone come and say a few prayers with my closest family and maybe a few close friends who have stood by me through all of this and never gave up on me.  Not many people at all, but just to give the people who cared the most some closure.  If you donít feel comfortable doing that, I could set up something with a funeral home or church to do a quick service there.  I just think that not doing at least a few prayers will leave my loved ones without the closure they will need to go on.  You just tell me what is best for you and back out of this now if you have any hesitations about it.

Thanks for all your support brother.  I know we havenít been close, but I have always loved you and that never changed and I always knew that if one of us ever needed the other, we would be there.  Some things just donít always have to be said.

Love Ya,
Diane

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